Humor

To the tune of Jingle Bells

I Snapchat all the time
On Instagram I star
I want to turn professional
I know I can go far

They say I have “the eye”
I do everything I should
I’d be a great photographer
But my lens is just no good

Chorus

Oh, I don’t know
Where to go
To buy some new glass
This old lens is for amateurs
It’s a pain in the (woops!)

I don’t know
Where to go
To buy some new glass
Maybe Santa Claus
Will bring a lens that’s wide and fast

 

I know I could turn pro
Earn enough to pay the rent
But I don’t have the dough
To buy the equipment

With talent I am flush
I really have the knack
I took a mail order course
But this old lens holds me back

Chorus

Oh, I don’t know
Where to go
To buy some new glass
This old lens is for amateurs
It’s a pain in the (woops!)

I don’t know
Where to go
Can’t you see I’m scared?
“Decisive moments” pass me by
While I’m optically impaired

 

Surfing on the ‘net
Looking for a lens
Found a zoom but it costs more
Than a Mercedes Benz

A macro would be nice
Or maybe a fast prime
I’d buy them both but for the fact
That I don’t have a dime

Chorus

Oh, I don’t know
Where to go
To buy some new glass
This old lens is for amateurs
It’s a pain in the (woops!)

I don’t know
Where to go
All my money’s gone
But I really need that lens
That got 5 Stars on Amazon

 

I know all about
f-stops and stuff like that
I got a lot of practice
Taking pictures of my cat

I guess I could buy used
You know what they say
You can find some bargains if
You spend time on Fleabay

Chorus

Oh, I don’t know
Where to go
To buy some new glass
This old lens is for amateurs
It’s a pain in the (woops!)

I don’t know
Where to go
But I’ll be in a fix
If I keep taking pictures with
A worn out iPhone 6

 

I’ll get some better gear
I’ll buy a better lens
And show that I’m professional
To all my Facebook friends

A Tamron would be nice
Sigma’s cool, too
Any lens that’s not made from
A Coke bottle will do

Oh, I don’t know
Where to go
Searching far and near
I’d be a great photographer
But I can’t afford the gear

I don’t know
Where to go
To raise the cash you see
Do you think I could set up an
Account on GoFundMe?

By Jon Sienkiewicz, who would have been a much better writer if he’d had a better typewriter.

—Jon Sienkiewicz